This is a place to hear the voices of those who want to share....
This is a place to learn and reflect with the experience of others like us....
about relationships...
Ana + Raquel
"It's the same as with everybody. The path may be different but the dreams are the same" |
|
How long have you been together?
Ana + Raquel - Since 2009. We started dating in October 2009 and began living together since January 2012. We got married in January 2012.
How did you two meet?
A - We met at an Ex-Aequo Network meeting, an association which helps young homosexuals. I already knew about the network for many years. That Saturday, I went by chance to a meeting about coming out...
R – And I went there to try to find out who I was. Basically, to try to understand if I liked men or women...If what I suspected since I was five years old was real...It's interesting to be sure of who you really are, but if we don't play the game society tells you to play, and if you don't meet the expectations of your parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends, and of an entire social network, that ends up being put aside... It gets completely...
A – Buried!
R – In whole other level! On that day (the day of the meeting), I approached the group’s moderator and I was very clear:" It's my first time here, and I really need to know what kind of people I like!" I needed to hear something that would enlighten me, some food for thought. Of course she wasn't able to help me, she couldn't simply say: "Here's the solution". I think that's how it should work, it has to come from within. I went to the meeting to try to understand... To confirm what I already knew, but also, in part, to learn to accept it more naturally. That was when I met Ana, and I realized: "Hey, I don't need help after all!" (laughter) It's very interesting because I went there to learn... I remember asking Ana to lend me books, show me articles online, literature about homosexuality and heterosexuality, in order to have a better grasp of how human beings work... But when it's something so natural and meaningful to you, something which is part of you, there's no literature in the world that can help you, and no one who can make you figure it all out. You just have to feel it! We said goodbye and I left the meeting, and as I was walking down the street, I felt "Oh, I'm going to date this girl!" How is that possible? I had arrived at the meeting feeling confused and, suddenly... As if by magic, it all started to make sense...
"If we don't play the game society tells you to play, and if you don't meet the expectations of your parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends, and of an entire social network, that ends up being put aside... It gets completely...Buried!"
What were the first impressions you had of one another?
R - Well manicured nails, very cute, red nails, wow! Amazing! Very eloquent an expressive, like a storyteller with wonderful stories, and I just wanted to listen to her speak more and more...
A - As cliché and ridiculous as it may sound, I laid my eyes on Raquel and felt a cupid's arrow hitting me right in the forehead, who was there, I'm sure, in a corner of that room, with incredible aim! I was completely blown away! I should be noted that the goal of those meetings is not to meet people, but simply to debate issues and to work as a means for self-help. For years I went to those meeting and this had never happened to me! I had never met a Raquel... I felt all those typical sensations of butterflies in the stomach, anxiety... We were in a big group, and then were divided into smaller groups. And I, who am not very religious, prayed to all the saints above so that I could be placed in the Raquel's group - and I was! I had a feeling my manicure and my way of talking had made an impression, so I thought: "let's see what happens if I apply all my seductive skills!" ... (laughter) And I did feel that I was exerting some kind of fascination on this person... and that she was having the same effect on me too! I hadn't even heard her voice when I fell in love with Raquel...
What does it mean to you to be in a relationship? What's more important?
R - The most important thing is communication. That's the foundation of any relationship. Where there's no communication, there's no relationship. I've learn this in a very positive way because Ana is very communicative. She really helped me to communicate and to let my feelings and my sensations show... I was never any good at communicating. Maybe I inherited that a little from my mother. She keeps everything to herself and doesn't really like to talk. Ana pushed me, and I soon realized that, if I truly wanted this relationship to work, I should always speak the truth, talk about things and never ever hide anything from her. I believe a lie or an omission is like a small crack that is opened, and if you let it grow, it becomes impossible to stop it. I clearly remember of being aware of this as soon as we started dating, of wanting to foster a strong communication, because I think that's the foundation...
A - Naturally, any relationship, be it with our mother, father, sibling or partner, has flaws... Weaker and stronger moments. However, ever since I've been with Raquel, and for the first time in my life, I'm experiencing such a completeness and fulfilment, that I never felt lonely again. I'm not talking of physical loneliness, of being alone, I'm not talking of another kind of loneliness... I know that, whatever happens, whatever we may face - and we've already faced some challenges -, she has my back. I've always felt Raquel there, in me, in every situation, and that's amazing because loneliness can kill! That's the true meaning of being with someone, what really means to be in a relationship. I've experienced in other relationships, not only romantic ones, the feeling of being lonely while being with someone, and that's the worst kind of loneliness... I value a lot how lucky we are for being able to be with each other. That has awakened me and made me look around and notice a lot of people who are together, but who are, in fact, deeply lonely... That's scary! I uphold what I have with Raquel because I think it's a blessing.
R - There are also many people who have settled in their relationship... Because it takes work to be happy!
A - What Raquel mentioned before about communication is also very important... I too learned that it's maybe better not to talk a lot about issues and brush it all under the rug. Perhaps they'll go away! I've learned that in my home, with my family. After arduous times and difficult situations, there was something hanging over us like: "We shall never speak of this again". It’s not an explicit agreement, but it’s there, to the point of changing channels while watching TV to avoid talking about certain subjects. You can only overcome difficulties engaging in a conversation, making them real... And only then can you decide on things, and move forward. In a way, I "demanded" Raquel would do the same in our relationship, and we quickly learned that communication was key, so we talk a lot. Besides, we're both women, so of course we're going to talk a lot! (laughter)
"There are many people who have settled in their relationship... Because it takes work to be happy!"
What were your role models when you were younger?
A – As incredible as it may seem, I've only had anti-role models, which are just as useful. Sometimes I don't really know what I want, but I'm sure of what I don't want, so they were useful in that sense. Role models showing lack of respect for one another, unfaithfulness, disloyalty, lack of companionship, of that "together, yet alone" kind of loneliness, or the role model that says: "If I say so, you shut your mouth and just do it!".
R - It was roughly the same for me... Role models without affection, without closeness, who create miles and miles of distance! You don't feel any closeness, and you learn from it... You start wondering: "When I am their age, I won't ever be like this, I don't want to be in this position!" Relationships where people don't talk, where you don't feel any chemistry, that's very weird... It's very rare to find a couple where the two of them build a relationship of love based on these principles of love, respect, complicity, strength, of both people looking at the same horizon... People may be different, as we are, but still pursue very similar goals.
What was the most defining moment in your relationship?
A - Many! With different kinds of intensity, obviously. Aside from the day we met, our first trip together abroad was a very special moment. We had just met and decided to explore the world together. It was great. Also, leaving home and starting our life together. That was also very special. And the day of our wedding, of course. I had never lived such an emotional day! It seemed as if we had entered a bubble of emotions. It was physically exhausting, a day of enormous commitment! I can't tell you the day exactly, but also the moment we decided to have children and started working towards that goal...
R - I would only add the first night we spent together! It was magical, it was very beautiful...
"No one chooses to be gay or straight. Even so, I believe many homosexuals would choose to be straight if they could. Because being homosexual makes very complicated what, for most people, is simple and certain."
What are the particular challenges of your relationship, as a same-sex relationship?
A - If you ask many homosexuals if they would be straight if they had the chance, I think most of them would say yes, because this is hard, much like everything! Or at least at a certain stage. The biggest mistake is to call this a sexual option. This is not an option, it's an orientation. No one chooses to be gay or straight. Even so, I believe many homosexuals would choose to be straight if they could. Because being homosexual makes very complicated what, for most people, is simple and certain. People expect you to have a relationship, marry and have children. Whereas this is the standard norm in the life of most people, for us it's a hindrance and a problem. We were saying before that our role models were anti-role models because most people we've met are not happy in their relationships, and I believe this is because people didn't have to work for it. Things are very certain. We had to struggle for things as simple as getting a joint account with both our names or asking for a double room at an hotel and hearing: "...but I can get you a separate bed, if you want". You have to be alert to everything. And then there are more complicated things, such as the acceptance of your relationship by your family, in your community, at work... Much like everything, it demands a struggle, it's consuming and hard... Perhaps, most people would choose the easy way out. I wouldn't because I believe being gay allowed me to be a stronger person, a more together and happy person! I also know this is not the case with every homosexual, because we're all different and each one faces things in their own way. In my particular case though, I wouldn't change a thing, because it's much better to shop with a woman! (laughter)
What's your biggest project?
A + R – Children! To expand the family!
A - That's The project! And it will happen! In its essence, it's the same project of everyone that wants to have children. To dream of when it's going to be born, about the bedroom and its decoration... To think: "Ana, you can't be home this late because when we have children..." It's the same as with everybody, the dreams are the same. The path may be different, perhaps more complicated, or maybe merely different. There are also a lot of straight couples who try their whole lives to have a baby, who also have to take on more difficult paths because of infertility issues or other problems...
R – I think there are also other concerns which will only become apparent to us when, and if, they become a reality. For example, when they ask at school about the parents and the child has to say he or she has two mothers... But children are also mocked because of anything nowadays. We'll have to pay attention. Then, the family, the whole social side of it... But that's how society works. Maybe out of fear or cowardice, but people won't ask you about you and your wife having children... It would be better that way, but it's all very covert...
A - We have to learn to survive all of this. We can't stress too much about things we don’t know if they may or may not happen. It that was the case, our projects would be doomed from the get go, because it's easy to start getting cold feet and give up before even reaching your goals. So, the real question is: "What do we need right now to get it?" Adoption, insemination, whatever. Ok. When we have the baby: "When I have mastitis, what can I do about it? I'll take care of it..." Then, the kid goes to school: "What school? Who will be the guardian?...
R - You have to take one step at a time. It has to be this way.
A - It gives me a sense of security to know everything we've conquered, just for being together. They are all such positive things that assure me the future will be bright. It has to be.
What advice would you give to other people in a relationship?
A - I only have cliché advices. Those that everyone knows, but no one practises. To make time. I know we have to work, and I'm extremely workaholic... But Raquel is my first priority. Everything else can wait. To be affectionate to each other, to be kind, to make time for a surprise! I love the time involved in the whole preparation... Not just the event in itself, but also the time spent thinking about the person and on how to make her happy. Nothing beats that. And also: respect each other, apologise for your mistakes...
R - Communicate! If you see your boyfriend or girlfriend sad, ask them why... Communicate, don't hold back the sorrows. Don't let 24 hours go by! Don't go to sleep with unfinished business...
A - Don't go to sleep angry with each other. We've had our fights, but we never went to bed angry... Of course, that also meant eating cereal at 3 in the morning, but at least you get everything out of the way!
"We're so normal it hurts!"
How's your daily life?
A- We're so normal it hurts! We're homebodies. Raquel works mostly from home, so when I arrive, she's usually already home. We've been going to the gym, so we exercise a bit at the end of the day. Then we arrive home, the dinner is already mostly prepared... We dine, watch a movie or a TV show, hang out a little on the couch or simply talk about our day... We talk a lot!
Do you share tasks?
A - Yes, yes, it was all very naturally decided... I don't clean dust and Raquel doesn't do laundry...
R- In the beginning, it was important when we started living together... To figure out what the other doesn't like to do and to try to find a balance. We also go out, take walks, but it's a very common daily routine...
What would you like to thank one another?
R - I thank Ana for motivating me a lot, for pushing me. I thank her for being a very practical person. I learned from her to be more practical, more pragmatic, not to be such a perfectionist. She helped me with my personality, sometimes a bit slower than hers... I thank her for all the love she has for me, for all the dedication, all the care, for caring about my mother's health, for all her concern for my family. I think that's also very important, to feel that our family, our origins, also get that attention, concern and care...
A - Love. Some people say you shouldn't thank for love, but I do, of course I do! I thank Raquel and whoever brought us together everyday. I thank her for making me a better person. I'm without a doubt a much better person because of Raquel... And everything else, which is so important: taking care of me, checking what I eat so that I don't weigh 300 kilos! (laughter) For taking care of my health, taking care of me, worrying about me and about my family, as well...
Comment on the Blog
Translated by: Inês Correia
Ana + Raquel - Since 2009. We started dating in October 2009 and began living together since January 2012. We got married in January 2012.
How did you two meet?
A - We met at an Ex-Aequo Network meeting, an association which helps young homosexuals. I already knew about the network for many years. That Saturday, I went by chance to a meeting about coming out...
R – And I went there to try to find out who I was. Basically, to try to understand if I liked men or women...If what I suspected since I was five years old was real...It's interesting to be sure of who you really are, but if we don't play the game society tells you to play, and if you don't meet the expectations of your parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends, and of an entire social network, that ends up being put aside... It gets completely...
A – Buried!
R – In whole other level! On that day (the day of the meeting), I approached the group’s moderator and I was very clear:" It's my first time here, and I really need to know what kind of people I like!" I needed to hear something that would enlighten me, some food for thought. Of course she wasn't able to help me, she couldn't simply say: "Here's the solution". I think that's how it should work, it has to come from within. I went to the meeting to try to understand... To confirm what I already knew, but also, in part, to learn to accept it more naturally. That was when I met Ana, and I realized: "Hey, I don't need help after all!" (laughter) It's very interesting because I went there to learn... I remember asking Ana to lend me books, show me articles online, literature about homosexuality and heterosexuality, in order to have a better grasp of how human beings work... But when it's something so natural and meaningful to you, something which is part of you, there's no literature in the world that can help you, and no one who can make you figure it all out. You just have to feel it! We said goodbye and I left the meeting, and as I was walking down the street, I felt "Oh, I'm going to date this girl!" How is that possible? I had arrived at the meeting feeling confused and, suddenly... As if by magic, it all started to make sense...
"If we don't play the game society tells you to play, and if you don't meet the expectations of your parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, aunts, friends, and of an entire social network, that ends up being put aside... It gets completely...Buried!"
What were the first impressions you had of one another?
R - Well manicured nails, very cute, red nails, wow! Amazing! Very eloquent an expressive, like a storyteller with wonderful stories, and I just wanted to listen to her speak more and more...
A - As cliché and ridiculous as it may sound, I laid my eyes on Raquel and felt a cupid's arrow hitting me right in the forehead, who was there, I'm sure, in a corner of that room, with incredible aim! I was completely blown away! I should be noted that the goal of those meetings is not to meet people, but simply to debate issues and to work as a means for self-help. For years I went to those meeting and this had never happened to me! I had never met a Raquel... I felt all those typical sensations of butterflies in the stomach, anxiety... We were in a big group, and then were divided into smaller groups. And I, who am not very religious, prayed to all the saints above so that I could be placed in the Raquel's group - and I was! I had a feeling my manicure and my way of talking had made an impression, so I thought: "let's see what happens if I apply all my seductive skills!" ... (laughter) And I did feel that I was exerting some kind of fascination on this person... and that she was having the same effect on me too! I hadn't even heard her voice when I fell in love with Raquel...
What does it mean to you to be in a relationship? What's more important?
R - The most important thing is communication. That's the foundation of any relationship. Where there's no communication, there's no relationship. I've learn this in a very positive way because Ana is very communicative. She really helped me to communicate and to let my feelings and my sensations show... I was never any good at communicating. Maybe I inherited that a little from my mother. She keeps everything to herself and doesn't really like to talk. Ana pushed me, and I soon realized that, if I truly wanted this relationship to work, I should always speak the truth, talk about things and never ever hide anything from her. I believe a lie or an omission is like a small crack that is opened, and if you let it grow, it becomes impossible to stop it. I clearly remember of being aware of this as soon as we started dating, of wanting to foster a strong communication, because I think that's the foundation...
A - Naturally, any relationship, be it with our mother, father, sibling or partner, has flaws... Weaker and stronger moments. However, ever since I've been with Raquel, and for the first time in my life, I'm experiencing such a completeness and fulfilment, that I never felt lonely again. I'm not talking of physical loneliness, of being alone, I'm not talking of another kind of loneliness... I know that, whatever happens, whatever we may face - and we've already faced some challenges -, she has my back. I've always felt Raquel there, in me, in every situation, and that's amazing because loneliness can kill! That's the true meaning of being with someone, what really means to be in a relationship. I've experienced in other relationships, not only romantic ones, the feeling of being lonely while being with someone, and that's the worst kind of loneliness... I value a lot how lucky we are for being able to be with each other. That has awakened me and made me look around and notice a lot of people who are together, but who are, in fact, deeply lonely... That's scary! I uphold what I have with Raquel because I think it's a blessing.
R - There are also many people who have settled in their relationship... Because it takes work to be happy!
A - What Raquel mentioned before about communication is also very important... I too learned that it's maybe better not to talk a lot about issues and brush it all under the rug. Perhaps they'll go away! I've learned that in my home, with my family. After arduous times and difficult situations, there was something hanging over us like: "We shall never speak of this again". It’s not an explicit agreement, but it’s there, to the point of changing channels while watching TV to avoid talking about certain subjects. You can only overcome difficulties engaging in a conversation, making them real... And only then can you decide on things, and move forward. In a way, I "demanded" Raquel would do the same in our relationship, and we quickly learned that communication was key, so we talk a lot. Besides, we're both women, so of course we're going to talk a lot! (laughter)
"There are many people who have settled in their relationship... Because it takes work to be happy!"
What were your role models when you were younger?
A – As incredible as it may seem, I've only had anti-role models, which are just as useful. Sometimes I don't really know what I want, but I'm sure of what I don't want, so they were useful in that sense. Role models showing lack of respect for one another, unfaithfulness, disloyalty, lack of companionship, of that "together, yet alone" kind of loneliness, or the role model that says: "If I say so, you shut your mouth and just do it!".
R - It was roughly the same for me... Role models without affection, without closeness, who create miles and miles of distance! You don't feel any closeness, and you learn from it... You start wondering: "When I am their age, I won't ever be like this, I don't want to be in this position!" Relationships where people don't talk, where you don't feel any chemistry, that's very weird... It's very rare to find a couple where the two of them build a relationship of love based on these principles of love, respect, complicity, strength, of both people looking at the same horizon... People may be different, as we are, but still pursue very similar goals.
What was the most defining moment in your relationship?
A - Many! With different kinds of intensity, obviously. Aside from the day we met, our first trip together abroad was a very special moment. We had just met and decided to explore the world together. It was great. Also, leaving home and starting our life together. That was also very special. And the day of our wedding, of course. I had never lived such an emotional day! It seemed as if we had entered a bubble of emotions. It was physically exhausting, a day of enormous commitment! I can't tell you the day exactly, but also the moment we decided to have children and started working towards that goal...
R - I would only add the first night we spent together! It was magical, it was very beautiful...
"No one chooses to be gay or straight. Even so, I believe many homosexuals would choose to be straight if they could. Because being homosexual makes very complicated what, for most people, is simple and certain."
What are the particular challenges of your relationship, as a same-sex relationship?
A - If you ask many homosexuals if they would be straight if they had the chance, I think most of them would say yes, because this is hard, much like everything! Or at least at a certain stage. The biggest mistake is to call this a sexual option. This is not an option, it's an orientation. No one chooses to be gay or straight. Even so, I believe many homosexuals would choose to be straight if they could. Because being homosexual makes very complicated what, for most people, is simple and certain. People expect you to have a relationship, marry and have children. Whereas this is the standard norm in the life of most people, for us it's a hindrance and a problem. We were saying before that our role models were anti-role models because most people we've met are not happy in their relationships, and I believe this is because people didn't have to work for it. Things are very certain. We had to struggle for things as simple as getting a joint account with both our names or asking for a double room at an hotel and hearing: "...but I can get you a separate bed, if you want". You have to be alert to everything. And then there are more complicated things, such as the acceptance of your relationship by your family, in your community, at work... Much like everything, it demands a struggle, it's consuming and hard... Perhaps, most people would choose the easy way out. I wouldn't because I believe being gay allowed me to be a stronger person, a more together and happy person! I also know this is not the case with every homosexual, because we're all different and each one faces things in their own way. In my particular case though, I wouldn't change a thing, because it's much better to shop with a woman! (laughter)
What's your biggest project?
A + R – Children! To expand the family!
A - That's The project! And it will happen! In its essence, it's the same project of everyone that wants to have children. To dream of when it's going to be born, about the bedroom and its decoration... To think: "Ana, you can't be home this late because when we have children..." It's the same as with everybody, the dreams are the same. The path may be different, perhaps more complicated, or maybe merely different. There are also a lot of straight couples who try their whole lives to have a baby, who also have to take on more difficult paths because of infertility issues or other problems...
R – I think there are also other concerns which will only become apparent to us when, and if, they become a reality. For example, when they ask at school about the parents and the child has to say he or she has two mothers... But children are also mocked because of anything nowadays. We'll have to pay attention. Then, the family, the whole social side of it... But that's how society works. Maybe out of fear or cowardice, but people won't ask you about you and your wife having children... It would be better that way, but it's all very covert...
A - We have to learn to survive all of this. We can't stress too much about things we don’t know if they may or may not happen. It that was the case, our projects would be doomed from the get go, because it's easy to start getting cold feet and give up before even reaching your goals. So, the real question is: "What do we need right now to get it?" Adoption, insemination, whatever. Ok. When we have the baby: "When I have mastitis, what can I do about it? I'll take care of it..." Then, the kid goes to school: "What school? Who will be the guardian?...
R - You have to take one step at a time. It has to be this way.
A - It gives me a sense of security to know everything we've conquered, just for being together. They are all such positive things that assure me the future will be bright. It has to be.
What advice would you give to other people in a relationship?
A - I only have cliché advices. Those that everyone knows, but no one practises. To make time. I know we have to work, and I'm extremely workaholic... But Raquel is my first priority. Everything else can wait. To be affectionate to each other, to be kind, to make time for a surprise! I love the time involved in the whole preparation... Not just the event in itself, but also the time spent thinking about the person and on how to make her happy. Nothing beats that. And also: respect each other, apologise for your mistakes...
R - Communicate! If you see your boyfriend or girlfriend sad, ask them why... Communicate, don't hold back the sorrows. Don't let 24 hours go by! Don't go to sleep with unfinished business...
A - Don't go to sleep angry with each other. We've had our fights, but we never went to bed angry... Of course, that also meant eating cereal at 3 in the morning, but at least you get everything out of the way!
"We're so normal it hurts!"
How's your daily life?
A- We're so normal it hurts! We're homebodies. Raquel works mostly from home, so when I arrive, she's usually already home. We've been going to the gym, so we exercise a bit at the end of the day. Then we arrive home, the dinner is already mostly prepared... We dine, watch a movie or a TV show, hang out a little on the couch or simply talk about our day... We talk a lot!
Do you share tasks?
A - Yes, yes, it was all very naturally decided... I don't clean dust and Raquel doesn't do laundry...
R- In the beginning, it was important when we started living together... To figure out what the other doesn't like to do and to try to find a balance. We also go out, take walks, but it's a very common daily routine...
What would you like to thank one another?
R - I thank Ana for motivating me a lot, for pushing me. I thank her for being a very practical person. I learned from her to be more practical, more pragmatic, not to be such a perfectionist. She helped me with my personality, sometimes a bit slower than hers... I thank her for all the love she has for me, for all the dedication, all the care, for caring about my mother's health, for all her concern for my family. I think that's also very important, to feel that our family, our origins, also get that attention, concern and care...
A - Love. Some people say you shouldn't thank for love, but I do, of course I do! I thank Raquel and whoever brought us together everyday. I thank her for making me a better person. I'm without a doubt a much better person because of Raquel... And everything else, which is so important: taking care of me, checking what I eat so that I don't weigh 300 kilos! (laughter) For taking care of my health, taking care of me, worrying about me and about my family, as well...
Comment on the Blog
Translated by: Inês Correia
about calling...
Ramona
What does "calling" mean to you?
Life!
And what is your calling?
I believe my calling is to be alive! To be alive for everyone! For me and for others.
What does that entail, in practice?
It entails, first of all, realizing you have a calling... I didn't know I had one. I was twenty-five when I had my first child... I had a life up to that point, I was a normal girl. It was only when I got involved in politics that I realized I existed, that I existed and the world existed too. I studied tourism and history, and that was it! I got married and had two children, a boy and a girl. At that time, I was in my most "mommy" period, helping my children with their homework, taking them to interesting places, so that they could ask questions and be curious about things around them. I was trying to awaken in them everything I believed was important for them. That was the Ramona that discovered it was important to care about others and to feel the need to stand by your neighbour's side. That's when I started feeling something that had always been inside me... I had always been a fighter for lost causes! I think there's a saint of lost causes - I don't remember which one -, and I feel connected to him... In school, I was always with the "underdogs"... Yes, that's how I go about life, as a fighter for lost causes....
Is that your calling?
Deep down, I think it is, to fight for this cause... And I seek it, I open myself for it... Politics was the means I found of experiencing it. I entered politics by defending women. In 1992, I was councillor for women in Spain. At that time, to be a councillor for women wasn't even a lost cause, it was almost a joke... They'd look at me and laugh, they didn't take me seriously, but, well, in between all that laughter and joking, I ended up helping a lot of people! My first experience in politics was founding a women's association. When I arrived, not even one of those associations existed in Vilagarcia. And I'd ask myself: "So, how are you suppose to contact with anyone?". Because, it goes without saying, before 50 women can unite, there has to be a first one. I had completed all courses imaginable, and I was more than prepared... So, someone asked me: "Do you know any women involved in church, or leading any group... anywhere?" And I thought: "Well... I do know someone". I called and asked if they could gather 4 or 5 women that weekend. They said yes and asked what were we going to do: "Nothing!", I replied. "I’ll invite you for coffee and we can talk about different things, whatever you want." They asked If I was paying. I said I was. That day, 4 women came and met by the city hall... I had a women's association in Santiago all ready to work with them, starting from that day. They came, they talked, and I payed for the coffees, as promissed! I decided to meet the following Saturday... On that day, some more women came without me even saying anything! I was rubbing my hands with glee... From that moment on, I founded 18 women's associations!
And why a women's association?
Because we together, as women, were capable of doing a lot... Including having fun together! We were able to develop a more interesting environment for our children, to find jobs, to create sales products or to organize activities between us... We could do lots of things that interested us... It didn't have to be just me talking constantly, and then everybody leaving, and everything ending there... No! I wanted to leave and know people would carry on with the work, that's what really mattered for me! The association started to grow and I left the Santiago association, in order to continue working with this one. We started a course on freezing food! (laughter) But the course could only take place at 8 p.m., something which husbands disapproved of because it was dinnertime and someone had to cook the tortilla! That was sacred! And that was how the first rebellion of women came about: dinner had to be postponed for 9 p.m.! The meeting started at 8 p.m. It was essential to know how to freeze food, because it was customary to kill pigs and it was important to know how to freeze the pork meat correctly, or else it would rot, which happened a lot! Men were also interested in avoiding pork meat to rot, and that was the reason why they'd let women attend the course. That happened in the 80s and it was really something... If you ask me if there was a moment that truly left a mark on me as a politician, it was this one. For me, politics is all about solving people's problems! Otherwise, it doesn't make sense.
Were you raised to fulfill your calling?
Yes, I was... I had a very particular upbringing... I'm a non-practicing catholic. My grandfather was catholic, but he didn't support Franco. Which is why he often didn't spend the night at home. But it was funny, because it was the priest from the parish who came to tell him not to sleep at home that night! My education was very contradictory. When my grandmother and my mother prepared my brothers and me to go to catechesis and then to mass, it was my grandfather who would drive us, and along the way, he'd ask us: "Should we go to mass or to the park?", and almost offended by his doubt, we'd say in unison: "To the park!", and to the park we'd go. Then, we'd arrive home and my grandmother would ask my grandfather if he had taken us to mass. "Yes, I did!", but of course, one of us would always spill the truth. It was very contradictory, but very respectful at the same time... I believe that raising someone is more than saying: "Don't do this or that, behave yourself", it's a multitude of things. It's ploughing with your grandfather and the cow and grabbing on to the cow's tale, trembling with fear because all that time you were thinking: "What do I do if the cow sees me?". But your grandfather was there, so you'd hold on to the cow! Scared stiff, but you'd still hold on to the cow! I'm scared of cows because of their enormous eyes. That frightens me! But I'd still hold on to the cow's tale. This enables you to feel fear, but still dare yourself! In other words, you learn many things that are not "education" in the traditional sense of the word, but which are also vital for your life.
What do you wanted to be when you were a child?
A flight attendant! Because I loved planes and to travel. I stopped thinking about planes and all that because I had always been interested in history. It was perhaps when I started my Bachelor that I stopped thinking about it... History allows me to travel much more! Plus, it's more convenient! (laughter).
What would you tell people about calling?
That either you have it or you don't! A calling is not something you can acquire for yourself, either you have it or you don't! It's something life may or may not give you. Even if I wanted to take it away from me, I wouldn't be able to.
Who do you admire?
For a long time, I admired Olaf Palme. He was a swedish socialist politician, who was murdered as he was leaving the movie theatre with his wife. I believe Angela Merkel, for example, wouldn't be where she is at the moment if Olof Palme was still alive. He was very left-wing. Someone who cared about people, someone who wouldn't sell out to companies and the market. At least I think he didn't... Maybe I'm mistaken, but I don't think so... That wasn't the idea I had of him...
What do you think you can bring to the world and to others?
The truth! The truth within me that I can offer with my very little power. Every person can offer their own truth and I can offer mine. There is something in particular I believe people have, which is the capacity to make others believe in them, the rare skill to use their voice or their way of expressing themselves to give them credibility. I try to prevent people from lying to themselves as they talk. I really try to be strict about it. Everyday we hear insults and lies on the media. What will we think of a person speaking ill of others? Every single day! One day is this person, the next day is another person, and another... And if the day should come when they speak the truth, will you believe them? I won't! I will never be able to think they're speaking seriously. I cannot believe someone who's constantly speaking badly of everything. I could never trust someone like that. And in politics, everyone speaks ill of everyone. And especially in politics, respect should always be preserved, including the respect for your political enemy. That shows how moral someone is.
What do you wish for the world?
I wish for people to be able to think for themselves.
And for yourself?
Something difficult nowadays... To work and be a normal person, with clear ideas... And music... To learn how to play the piano! That's what I'll try to do. Who knows, maybe other politicians can also do something positive, lift themselves up and learn to play an instrument. Perhaps that would make them more humane... Music is like Valium for me, only healthier, like natural medicine... Yes, it's going to complete me!
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Translated by: Inês Correia
Life!
And what is your calling?
I believe my calling is to be alive! To be alive for everyone! For me and for others.
What does that entail, in practice?
It entails, first of all, realizing you have a calling... I didn't know I had one. I was twenty-five when I had my first child... I had a life up to that point, I was a normal girl. It was only when I got involved in politics that I realized I existed, that I existed and the world existed too. I studied tourism and history, and that was it! I got married and had two children, a boy and a girl. At that time, I was in my most "mommy" period, helping my children with their homework, taking them to interesting places, so that they could ask questions and be curious about things around them. I was trying to awaken in them everything I believed was important for them. That was the Ramona that discovered it was important to care about others and to feel the need to stand by your neighbour's side. That's when I started feeling something that had always been inside me... I had always been a fighter for lost causes! I think there's a saint of lost causes - I don't remember which one -, and I feel connected to him... In school, I was always with the "underdogs"... Yes, that's how I go about life, as a fighter for lost causes....
Is that your calling?
Deep down, I think it is, to fight for this cause... And I seek it, I open myself for it... Politics was the means I found of experiencing it. I entered politics by defending women. In 1992, I was councillor for women in Spain. At that time, to be a councillor for women wasn't even a lost cause, it was almost a joke... They'd look at me and laugh, they didn't take me seriously, but, well, in between all that laughter and joking, I ended up helping a lot of people! My first experience in politics was founding a women's association. When I arrived, not even one of those associations existed in Vilagarcia. And I'd ask myself: "So, how are you suppose to contact with anyone?". Because, it goes without saying, before 50 women can unite, there has to be a first one. I had completed all courses imaginable, and I was more than prepared... So, someone asked me: "Do you know any women involved in church, or leading any group... anywhere?" And I thought: "Well... I do know someone". I called and asked if they could gather 4 or 5 women that weekend. They said yes and asked what were we going to do: "Nothing!", I replied. "I’ll invite you for coffee and we can talk about different things, whatever you want." They asked If I was paying. I said I was. That day, 4 women came and met by the city hall... I had a women's association in Santiago all ready to work with them, starting from that day. They came, they talked, and I payed for the coffees, as promissed! I decided to meet the following Saturday... On that day, some more women came without me even saying anything! I was rubbing my hands with glee... From that moment on, I founded 18 women's associations!
And why a women's association?
Because we together, as women, were capable of doing a lot... Including having fun together! We were able to develop a more interesting environment for our children, to find jobs, to create sales products or to organize activities between us... We could do lots of things that interested us... It didn't have to be just me talking constantly, and then everybody leaving, and everything ending there... No! I wanted to leave and know people would carry on with the work, that's what really mattered for me! The association started to grow and I left the Santiago association, in order to continue working with this one. We started a course on freezing food! (laughter) But the course could only take place at 8 p.m., something which husbands disapproved of because it was dinnertime and someone had to cook the tortilla! That was sacred! And that was how the first rebellion of women came about: dinner had to be postponed for 9 p.m.! The meeting started at 8 p.m. It was essential to know how to freeze food, because it was customary to kill pigs and it was important to know how to freeze the pork meat correctly, or else it would rot, which happened a lot! Men were also interested in avoiding pork meat to rot, and that was the reason why they'd let women attend the course. That happened in the 80s and it was really something... If you ask me if there was a moment that truly left a mark on me as a politician, it was this one. For me, politics is all about solving people's problems! Otherwise, it doesn't make sense.
Were you raised to fulfill your calling?
Yes, I was... I had a very particular upbringing... I'm a non-practicing catholic. My grandfather was catholic, but he didn't support Franco. Which is why he often didn't spend the night at home. But it was funny, because it was the priest from the parish who came to tell him not to sleep at home that night! My education was very contradictory. When my grandmother and my mother prepared my brothers and me to go to catechesis and then to mass, it was my grandfather who would drive us, and along the way, he'd ask us: "Should we go to mass or to the park?", and almost offended by his doubt, we'd say in unison: "To the park!", and to the park we'd go. Then, we'd arrive home and my grandmother would ask my grandfather if he had taken us to mass. "Yes, I did!", but of course, one of us would always spill the truth. It was very contradictory, but very respectful at the same time... I believe that raising someone is more than saying: "Don't do this or that, behave yourself", it's a multitude of things. It's ploughing with your grandfather and the cow and grabbing on to the cow's tale, trembling with fear because all that time you were thinking: "What do I do if the cow sees me?". But your grandfather was there, so you'd hold on to the cow! Scared stiff, but you'd still hold on to the cow! I'm scared of cows because of their enormous eyes. That frightens me! But I'd still hold on to the cow's tale. This enables you to feel fear, but still dare yourself! In other words, you learn many things that are not "education" in the traditional sense of the word, but which are also vital for your life.
What do you wanted to be when you were a child?
A flight attendant! Because I loved planes and to travel. I stopped thinking about planes and all that because I had always been interested in history. It was perhaps when I started my Bachelor that I stopped thinking about it... History allows me to travel much more! Plus, it's more convenient! (laughter).
What would you tell people about calling?
That either you have it or you don't! A calling is not something you can acquire for yourself, either you have it or you don't! It's something life may or may not give you. Even if I wanted to take it away from me, I wouldn't be able to.
Who do you admire?
For a long time, I admired Olaf Palme. He was a swedish socialist politician, who was murdered as he was leaving the movie theatre with his wife. I believe Angela Merkel, for example, wouldn't be where she is at the moment if Olof Palme was still alive. He was very left-wing. Someone who cared about people, someone who wouldn't sell out to companies and the market. At least I think he didn't... Maybe I'm mistaken, but I don't think so... That wasn't the idea I had of him...
What do you think you can bring to the world and to others?
The truth! The truth within me that I can offer with my very little power. Every person can offer their own truth and I can offer mine. There is something in particular I believe people have, which is the capacity to make others believe in them, the rare skill to use their voice or their way of expressing themselves to give them credibility. I try to prevent people from lying to themselves as they talk. I really try to be strict about it. Everyday we hear insults and lies on the media. What will we think of a person speaking ill of others? Every single day! One day is this person, the next day is another person, and another... And if the day should come when they speak the truth, will you believe them? I won't! I will never be able to think they're speaking seriously. I cannot believe someone who's constantly speaking badly of everything. I could never trust someone like that. And in politics, everyone speaks ill of everyone. And especially in politics, respect should always be preserved, including the respect for your political enemy. That shows how moral someone is.
What do you wish for the world?
I wish for people to be able to think for themselves.
And for yourself?
Something difficult nowadays... To work and be a normal person, with clear ideas... And music... To learn how to play the piano! That's what I'll try to do. Who knows, maybe other politicians can also do something positive, lift themselves up and learn to play an instrument. Perhaps that would make them more humane... Music is like Valium for me, only healthier, like natural medicine... Yes, it's going to complete me!
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Translated by: Inês Correia
Margarida
What does “calling” mean to you?
To me, a calling is a gift people have and were born with. Something they were born for. Nowadays, there are modern ways of trying to finding it, but I prefer the old fashioned way. Everyone is born with a “calling”. As my mother used to say, the tendency is already born with the creature.
And what is your calling?
My calling?! Well, what I most like to do in this world is to keep myself busy, to do things that do me good, to greet people who come see me... I like to talk to people! I’ve never studied like you... Look, it’s not about money! I just want to have enough money to spend on what I need, I’ve never been an ambitious person. What I enjoy most in life is to interact, I am the happiest when I have my children beside me. And sardines, obviously!! (laughs) I also used to love to dance the bailarico [traditional folk dance]. I used to love that because I was very cheerful. Can’t you see my face there? I was constantly laughing! It was like my eyes could laugh and speak! Everyone liked me, even nowadays everyone likes me! I used to make jokes and laugh with everybody. At the inn, the poor things [the boys] ... it wasn’t their fault, they liked me because I was very pretty. They were always toying with me and cracking jokes. I would go along because they were right, of course, and I didn’t want to be up-tight!
Do you think you were raised to fulfil your calling?
I most certainty was! I was raised to be what I am today. I didn’t waste anything! My sisters wasted a lot, but not me. The education my parents gave me, I kept it all in here! I know how to present myself, I know how to be around people. I’ve only studied until the 4th grade, but, in the old days, that was better than any university!
Have you ever practised any profession?
Yes, I started working at a company called Riopele as a weaver. When I had my second child, I decided to stay at home. When I was young, we had an inn. Ever since I left school, I have never had a moment’s rest, until now. I was also very restless and frenetic. Back home, nothing would stop me, I kept things moving! Everyone called for Margarida! My father was a salesman, he had the inn, some cars to rent, and he was also a taxi driver... He worked a lot, the poor thing. He helped around at the inn, but he didn’t have much patience for that. We had everything at the store: so many hundredweights of codfish, so many rice bags. We sold by wholesale and at retail. The whole parish of Pousada used to go there. He would kill two or three pigs for the inn and the meat was so delicious! My mother also helped out. She was also very intelligent and hardworking. She was the one who used to make reservations for the guests. The Riopele assemblers, the electricians... everyone came knocking on our door. Some stayed there, others had to sleep somewhere else, when all the rooms were already booked. They would still come there to have a meal, though. We worked until we couldn’t take it anymore!
If you could have had chosen another profession, what would it have been?
A teacher! When I left elementary school and finished the 4th grade, my teacher came to my house and ask my father to let me go study in Braga, but since I had to go on Mondays and return on Saturdays, I didn’t want to go... I didn’t want to do that because I felt sorry for my mother. I wanted to be a teacher because I have always loved children, it was something I thought about…
How old were you at the time?
I was ten years old. Back then, children would go to school at the age of seven. In the 3rd grade, the teacher already called me to correct the mistakes of 4th grade pupils. He would turn to the pupils and start singing “You’re not worth a dime and Margarida is worth a million bucks!”. He used to come up with things like that… He was very comical! He was always very earnest and doing a tic with his tongue. Whenever we saw him do that tic, we knew he was nervous. His calligraphy, however, was amazing! I have never seen someone with a calligraphy like his! He was from Joane [parish belonging to the city of V. N. Famalicão, in the North of Portugal], from the Bragas family. He would always come by foot from where he lived, near the church of Vermoim, all the way to Joane! So, after my exam, I came to the door of the store and I thought to myself “It seems like Mr. Alexandrino is coming this way!” but I stood still. When he came closer, I immediately crossed the road to meet him, because things were different then. Instead of just saying “Sr. Dr., Sr. Dr.” [formal greeting acknowledging someone is university-educated], we used to say “Sr. professor [translated literally: “Mr. teacher”], how are you? How have you been?”. We were very respectful, back then! He asked for my father and I just wanted to cry… I was sad for dropping out…
What would you say to others about vocation? What advices would you give them?
What I always tell everyone! People complain to me, and do you think I’m going to give them more reasons to do that? They need to have patience, we all do. Isn’t Pope Francis who says we should repay the evil inflicted on us with good? Those who are lost, who don’t know what they want, what they want to do, what they want from life… To them I tell them to take a hard look at their behaviour! I tell them not to be ambitious, to behave, and to live without shame. Sometimes I tell that to people who come here, I give them an earful!
Up until now, what has been the most important thing you learned in life?
I learned to be humane! To be someone that wants more than the only good for myself and the bad for others… I learned to be humane and to give the same advices to people, for them to be humane as well and to have patience. It was the best thing I could ever have learned!
How do you thing you serve others and the world?
I’d like to do more, but I can’t! If I didn’t have so many children and so many people to help, I tell you, I would help others, I sure would! Anything affects me, it instantly makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t even want people to tell me certain things! I like to give back when someone does something nice for me, because I wouldn’t feel right not doing that. I enjoyed having many children. Whenever I had a child, I would like him or her more each day. I took very good care of them, I raised them all! All 13 of them! This is my repertoire. I gave birth to them, I educated them, I trained each one of them, all by myself! Your grandfather never helped out in any way because his work at the factory was a very delicate one. He was a head dyer and I didn’t want to disturb him for anything in the world. I wanted to see him peaceful and always happy. Doctors say they are impressed with my heart! And I have endured everything in life: the good and the bitter. I take anything God gives me! And another thing: I like the Pope very much because I agree with what he says, he’s very humane. I really like people who are this way, who enjoy helping. It’s a great sin when people have the means and still won’t help. It’s cowardice.
A good memory…
The corn husking in October! The farmers asked the pretty girls to come husk…. Then, the boys and the caretos [men wearing masks as part of the traditional ritual] would show up. They were unrecognizable! The boys and the girls came with paint on their faces. That bailarico during the husking was the most beautiful thing! My father didn’t want us to go and told us: “You’re tired from work and you still want to go to the husking?!”. It usually finished around midnight, 1 am. “You can go, but be sure to get up in the morning!”. One of them was in a farm in Vila Mende, another took place in Pousada… It was a tremendous joy for everyone whenever we went there! They would give us nuts, broa [typical Portuguese cornbread] boiled at home, and wine while we were husking. We spent a few pleasant hours husking and singing and, in the end, it was time for the bailarico!
The songs...
“Olha o Quico, olha o Quico, olha o Zé /olha as moças da banda da Sé” (Look there’s Quico, look there’s Quico, look there’s Zé/ look at the girls of the cathedral’s band”) and “Laurindinha”. In the end, we would make a circle and sing: “No alto daquela serra, está um lenço, está um lenço a abanar/está dizendo viva, viva, morra quem, morra quem não sabe amar!” (High above in those mountains, there’s a handkerchief, there’s a handkerchief shaking/ it’s saying live on, live on, be dead, be dead those who don’t know how to love!). Then, the guitars would join us and we would dance Malhão and Vira [traditional folk dances]. So many beautiful things that just don’t fit... I don’t even know where! So many beautiful things!
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Translated by: Inês Correia
Franco
What does “calling” mean to you?
It’s something very related to our interior and to us as individuals, something that gives us pleasure and fulfil us. That’s where the essence of a calling lies, no matter the area. That’s what’s really important...
What’s your “calling”?
I think I’m now finding that out, through Zen Shiatsu! It’s something very recent, very new, but I wouldn’t say it’s the only one, since there are many areas that appeal to me. It has always been a trait of mine: to enjoy different areas simultaneously and to never be satisfied with doing just one thing... At the moment Shiatsu, is fulfilling me immensely. This experience started over a year ago and it’s turning out great!
Do you think you were raised to fulfil your “calling”?
No. It just happened...very late. Shiatsu, specifically, came about throughout the years... Little moments when I felt the need to do something in this area... What? How? I wasn’t sure. But it came and went, in parallel to my regular professional life.
How was your regular professional life?
I’ve worked in the field of economics, in companies, in the administrative and financial areas, and in management, but I’ve always felt the urge to do something for myself. Throughout the years, I’ve been trying to combine all theses interests. I spent 18, 20 years without really knowing what was my calling. It started to emerge naturally after numerous attempts, until I found Shiatsu. In a few years, it started to take form. First, there was the need to do something related to different therapies, perhaps massage… But it wasn’t yet set in my head. It was a sporadic idea back then. However, the interest I showed wasn’t much… I would search a bit, mainly on the Internet. If I didn’t find anything, I’d stop and let it be…
For many years I was on the job market, in different companies, and I experienced moments when they couldn’t handle situations of crisis and started to cut job positions. These companies provided me some professional experience. The most important experience was when I managed a small industrial company, all the while feeling the need to create something for myself. Later on, this company went bankrupt and dissolved. Suddenly unemployed, I grabbed the chances I found at the time, in order to create my own job position, and I decided to try a new activity…
And what was that activity?
An innovative idea I attempted to implement here in Portugal about services related to the automobile industry - another passion of mine. However, the crisis hits in 2008 when I was just starting out my project. I wasn’t able to turn it into something viable… So I decided to end it before things got worse.
When did you felt most attracted to Shiatsu?
I became unemployed once again. While I was job hunting, I felt again the need to create something for myself. I didn’t know exactly what that would be or how. So, as I searched for jobs, I also tried to find an answer to this question. During this search, the first schools with Shiatsu began to appear. I started researching this area better. I have always admired everything oriental. I dwelled on taking the course for one more year until I finally decided to enrol. I completed the course and started receiving a few requests. I began enjoying more what I was doing and promoting it. Things started building up and I finally found a space that is making this idea a reality.
Can you talk about Zen Shiatsu?
Zen Shiatsu comes from Japan. It developed from massage techniques for therapeutic purposes, that is to say, not only for relaxation, but also for improving well-being and health. Zen Shiatsu is a whole method of prevention and to avoid falling ill. It doesn’t mean you won’t become sick, but in case it happens, it surely won’t have the same impact or last as long, as opposed to not doing Zen Shiatsu. It’s based on the idea of a basic nurturing, almost as daily hygiene. In Japan, that element is always very present. They have that certain sensitivity...
In Zen Shiatsu, the massage itself is made over clothes, based on pressure techniques drawn from the wisdom of traditional Chinese medicine practice, namely in what respects the acupuncture meridians. Only here, instead of using needles, we apply pressure with the fingers. In addition, we are able to observe not only the localized symptom, but also the individual as a whole. When we’re in session, we treat what the person discloses, but we also attempt to feel what needs to be treated at that moment throughout the body. In my view, that’s where the only beauty of Zen Shiatsu lies...
What essentially makes you enjoy Zen Shiatsu so much?
It’s very simple! It’s knowing that the individual came in a certain way and went out completely different. Whether the person is aware of that or not, I am certain that in the following days or months, they will be feeling much better than before, in terms of their well-being... Of that I’m almost sure!
What do you wanted to be when you were a child?
It’s funny… I never had anything decided, when I was a child. As a student, I would always listen to teachers’ recommendations. I was gradually being led… I always felt a tendency towards the social and economic areas. So much so, that I ended up majoring in economics. It’s interesting to understand that this field is excellent to create entrepreneurs, creators of ideas… So, I now look back and recognize it was a crucial tool for all that I tried to accomplish all these years…
What would you say to other people about calling?
[I would tell them] not to rush into anything! (laughs). To give it time, without putting it aside, as I did… I mean, I could have never had invested in this idea… She would come, I’d take a peak, I’d explore a little bit, to see if there was more useful information, and if so, I’d use it. If there weren’t, I’d save it. And also, not to give up, always persist! In my case, things just took a turn in this direction. It was the result of a continued parallel work, without even realizing… Now, I look back and really see that there was something following me, happening, without me being aware of it... Well, and… to try! Try with caution, especially in this period we’re experiencing…
How do you thing you can serve others and contribute to the world with what you do?
At the moment, what I see in Zen Shiatsu are the many people I’ve helped, some more than others. There is already positive feedback, many improvements in well-being and in health. Sometimes it becomes apparent that certain lives change, and take a turn in a different direction... I wouldn’t say Zen Shiatsu is the direct cause, but in conversations I understand that there’s an awareness. Shiatsu is a tool that goes hand in hand with the search for other things, such as a more balanced life, for example.
Do you have anything to add?
At the moment, reflecting on the years before this project began, I believe that marketing, management, the social aspect, as well as the course I completed, helped me immensely... All the professional experience, the personal relationships, the experience of having tried to go into business, the client relationship... All this turned into an accumulated knowledge, which is now at my disposal. Without realizing it, I have always been working towards this project, towards me, especially!
You can find Franco here and try a Zen Shiatsu session!
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Translated from portuguese by: Inês Correia
It’s something very related to our interior and to us as individuals, something that gives us pleasure and fulfil us. That’s where the essence of a calling lies, no matter the area. That’s what’s really important...
What’s your “calling”?
I think I’m now finding that out, through Zen Shiatsu! It’s something very recent, very new, but I wouldn’t say it’s the only one, since there are many areas that appeal to me. It has always been a trait of mine: to enjoy different areas simultaneously and to never be satisfied with doing just one thing... At the moment Shiatsu, is fulfilling me immensely. This experience started over a year ago and it’s turning out great!
Do you think you were raised to fulfil your “calling”?
No. It just happened...very late. Shiatsu, specifically, came about throughout the years... Little moments when I felt the need to do something in this area... What? How? I wasn’t sure. But it came and went, in parallel to my regular professional life.
How was your regular professional life?
I’ve worked in the field of economics, in companies, in the administrative and financial areas, and in management, but I’ve always felt the urge to do something for myself. Throughout the years, I’ve been trying to combine all theses interests. I spent 18, 20 years without really knowing what was my calling. It started to emerge naturally after numerous attempts, until I found Shiatsu. In a few years, it started to take form. First, there was the need to do something related to different therapies, perhaps massage… But it wasn’t yet set in my head. It was a sporadic idea back then. However, the interest I showed wasn’t much… I would search a bit, mainly on the Internet. If I didn’t find anything, I’d stop and let it be…
For many years I was on the job market, in different companies, and I experienced moments when they couldn’t handle situations of crisis and started to cut job positions. These companies provided me some professional experience. The most important experience was when I managed a small industrial company, all the while feeling the need to create something for myself. Later on, this company went bankrupt and dissolved. Suddenly unemployed, I grabbed the chances I found at the time, in order to create my own job position, and I decided to try a new activity…
And what was that activity?
An innovative idea I attempted to implement here in Portugal about services related to the automobile industry - another passion of mine. However, the crisis hits in 2008 when I was just starting out my project. I wasn’t able to turn it into something viable… So I decided to end it before things got worse.
When did you felt most attracted to Shiatsu?
I became unemployed once again. While I was job hunting, I felt again the need to create something for myself. I didn’t know exactly what that would be or how. So, as I searched for jobs, I also tried to find an answer to this question. During this search, the first schools with Shiatsu began to appear. I started researching this area better. I have always admired everything oriental. I dwelled on taking the course for one more year until I finally decided to enrol. I completed the course and started receiving a few requests. I began enjoying more what I was doing and promoting it. Things started building up and I finally found a space that is making this idea a reality.
Can you talk about Zen Shiatsu?
Zen Shiatsu comes from Japan. It developed from massage techniques for therapeutic purposes, that is to say, not only for relaxation, but also for improving well-being and health. Zen Shiatsu is a whole method of prevention and to avoid falling ill. It doesn’t mean you won’t become sick, but in case it happens, it surely won’t have the same impact or last as long, as opposed to not doing Zen Shiatsu. It’s based on the idea of a basic nurturing, almost as daily hygiene. In Japan, that element is always very present. They have that certain sensitivity...
In Zen Shiatsu, the massage itself is made over clothes, based on pressure techniques drawn from the wisdom of traditional Chinese medicine practice, namely in what respects the acupuncture meridians. Only here, instead of using needles, we apply pressure with the fingers. In addition, we are able to observe not only the localized symptom, but also the individual as a whole. When we’re in session, we treat what the person discloses, but we also attempt to feel what needs to be treated at that moment throughout the body. In my view, that’s where the only beauty of Zen Shiatsu lies...
What essentially makes you enjoy Zen Shiatsu so much?
It’s very simple! It’s knowing that the individual came in a certain way and went out completely different. Whether the person is aware of that or not, I am certain that in the following days or months, they will be feeling much better than before, in terms of their well-being... Of that I’m almost sure!
What do you wanted to be when you were a child?
It’s funny… I never had anything decided, when I was a child. As a student, I would always listen to teachers’ recommendations. I was gradually being led… I always felt a tendency towards the social and economic areas. So much so, that I ended up majoring in economics. It’s interesting to understand that this field is excellent to create entrepreneurs, creators of ideas… So, I now look back and recognize it was a crucial tool for all that I tried to accomplish all these years…
What would you say to other people about calling?
[I would tell them] not to rush into anything! (laughs). To give it time, without putting it aside, as I did… I mean, I could have never had invested in this idea… She would come, I’d take a peak, I’d explore a little bit, to see if there was more useful information, and if so, I’d use it. If there weren’t, I’d save it. And also, not to give up, always persist! In my case, things just took a turn in this direction. It was the result of a continued parallel work, without even realizing… Now, I look back and really see that there was something following me, happening, without me being aware of it... Well, and… to try! Try with caution, especially in this period we’re experiencing…
How do you thing you can serve others and contribute to the world with what you do?
At the moment, what I see in Zen Shiatsu are the many people I’ve helped, some more than others. There is already positive feedback, many improvements in well-being and in health. Sometimes it becomes apparent that certain lives change, and take a turn in a different direction... I wouldn’t say Zen Shiatsu is the direct cause, but in conversations I understand that there’s an awareness. Shiatsu is a tool that goes hand in hand with the search for other things, such as a more balanced life, for example.
Do you have anything to add?
At the moment, reflecting on the years before this project began, I believe that marketing, management, the social aspect, as well as the course I completed, helped me immensely... All the professional experience, the personal relationships, the experience of having tried to go into business, the client relationship... All this turned into an accumulated knowledge, which is now at my disposal. Without realizing it, I have always been working towards this project, towards me, especially!
You can find Franco here and try a Zen Shiatsu session!
Comment on the Blog
Translated from portuguese by: Inês Correia
Guida
What does “calling” mean to you?
That’s a very hard question! It’s a word that makes me think of religion... and also of something people already know they want to do in life from very early on. And that’s not my case at all, I don’t even know if it will ever be! Sure, I can talk about the definition of the word “calling” as tendency for something. A tendency to something that might be calling and motivating me, appealing to me, waking me up...but I look at it more as something that can change at any moment. I think the meaning is: what do I feel like doing? And what’s useful out of all that I do? Useful doesn’t have to mean productive, it’s useful insofar as it fills up my soul, as it somehow makes sense... it’s not really about making sense, it’s more about filling the soul, because, sometimes, what fills my soul doesn’t make any sense! It’s what I want to do and that for which I’d give every other possibility in my life up! It may be something temporary, momentary or even something that is repeated throughout a determined or undetermined period of time...
And what fills up your soul at the moment?
What really fills my soul at the moment and what has been filling it for a long time is the curiosity for the human mystery – Who the human being is as individuality is not who they are as a comprehensive or philosophical definition, it belongs to each person… What does that person feel or think? What’s their story? What do they do with their stories? What fulfils them? It’s really a curiosity … I’m very curious!
What does that consist of, in practise?
It’s a mixture! In my work, in what I do now with great vocation - the Biodanza -, what calls me is the curiosity to understand what lies within the lives and the worlds of others, within their inner worlds… It’s a way of taking each person’s inner world, which is often anonymous, closed, even though it’s so broad, rich and unique, and bringing it to light! A way of bringing it to the tangible, the visible, to the exchange, the world, of bringing it to life thorough Biodanza…
Can you explain what Biodanza is?
I could give you an academic definition, but I like poetic ones! Biodanza is a great investment on the human being in order to enrich even more the world and the life! That’s why I felt so connected to Biodanza, because I saw in it something, which goes in the direction of my will to know what’s within each one of us and how we can explore it. As if we were a very wide … field, which we must always cultivate. Biodanza was the identification with a system that uses “magical” powers! Much like music, which has the ability to make us travel around the world of emotions and of revelation. And what do I do with what music gives me? Movement! Because if I don’t move, I’m going to remain in anonymity. I’ll remain in my shell and all the richness someday will be lost, because it has never been exploited and transformed. Biodanza invites, through movement and music, to the bloom of a seed. Life is a constant dance! What good does it do to have a seed with everything, if we never know what it will offer? Music and movement lead to states of living and of expansion of consciousness that allow us to feel like “Hey, I can go further, after all!”. Yes, Biodanza is my calling at the moment, the thing that completes my everyday, my life, my existence! For me, it’s like a marriage with Biodanza! It’s an activity which involves a lot of movement and which would appear to be out of the question for someone like me, with such limited movements … Even today, I’m the only person with such limited movements practising Biodanza, that I know of. And then the big question follows: how do you give a Biodanza lesson in a wheelchair?
Whenever I mention you, many people ask me: “Isn’t Biodanza related to dance? How can she do that if she’s in a wheelchair?”
Even my colleagues ask themselves that! Before enrolling in (Biodanza) school, you need to present a motivation letter and what I wrote was: “I want, I can and I will, if you let me!” I think that’s my concept of life. I can’t see how could I ever be a marathoner, for example, or a sportswoman, or an astronaut, in my condition… But I don’t look at it as an obstacle. I believe there’s always a solution, there are more hindrances in the mind! I like this example: I’m starving and I believe only “seafood rice”(Arroz de Marisco) can satisfy my hunger! But when I get home, I only have eggs! What now? I have to change my aim, I can’t have “seafood rice”. I can, however, eat an omelette. All I do is satisfy an inner, physical, emotional hunger… This thing called “will”, what is it, really? It’s a hunger. It’s a desire to eat, to ingest, to bring… It doesn’t have to be gourmet! The important thing is to be satisfied, and that can be accomplished in many ways. You have to step out of the limitations imposed by competitions and comparisons! They’re truly toxic, because they limit us immensely. They limit me, at least! I don’t really like the pronoun “us”, because there may be other people who don’t think this way and life sometimes works out differently… Life is full of possibilities and is unlimited in its abundance.
Do you think you were raised to fulfil your calling?
I don’t want to think about that! Hum… well, maybe. The conclusion is that the entire environment I lived in, my childhood and education brought me here. It may not be a recipe for others, but it was ideal to me, it was what brought me here, so yes, I think the answer is yes!
What do you wanted to be when you were a child?
I have no idea! Lots of things! Like many, I wanted to become a paediatrician. That’s how I would often play as a child. But it got very confusing afterwards, during my adolescent years. I never worried too much about that, about what I wanted to become one day. When I applied to university, I wanted to become a fashion designer because I loved clothes. And why was all of this born? Because one day I conceptualized some dresses and a few months later I saw them in real life, in a fashion show, on TV. I took that as a sign and thought - “well, I must have come from the future!” (laughter). I’m very imaginative! And I thought that was my field, that it was very cool and that I should give it a go. The coolest thing, though, wasn’t drawing, it was to be creative, to get to know people, to be moving, it was art. As I didn’t know how to draw and fashion design schools were expensive, I applied to textile engineering at the University of Minho. I figured it was the closest thing. But I also did it because I wanted to move out! That was what excited me the most, throughout those five years. To live in a university hall with lots of people, where I could talk, chat and see what made people different… I was considered to be the hall’s psychologist! The group in my hall and I did a lot of social work, lots of activities and events. It was a lot of fun! I think my great calling in life is for all that is fun! Everything has to be fun!
Did you get to work in textile engineering?
I wasn’t successful at all! (laughter) After that, came the disease, it got worse… that’s another area, a parallel area of my life. It never prevented me from living. It’s like someone who can live and walk their path, but who brings with them a stone in the shoe. My disease is just a stone in my shoe, which doesn’t make it impossible for me to walk, but maybe makes it harder for me to run and climb stairs, to walk, but not to live, nor to follow my dreams. It just challenged me to find other solutions.
Do you want to talk about your disease?
It’s a muscular dystrophy. I have it since I was born, but it only began to manifest itself heavily when I was 12. From then on, the decay followed… I’ve been in the chair for 8 years and in Biodanza for 9! The disease is like a child. Once you are a mother, you never stop being one, right? I’m trying to get rid of her, but the child never seems to grow, earn wings and fly somewhere else… I will make it, though! Like a child who challenges, who needs attention, who shortens time and schedules. It limits everything. So, it’s necessary to find solutions, while I keep doing what I want with the available conditions. I haven’t reached the “seafood rice” yet, I’m still on the “omelettes”! And that’s allright! The most important thing is to satisfy the hunger, because it’s the foundation. The disease limited me in my integration in society, because our society is full of prejudice, immature, competitive, selfish, destructive. It’s a very sick society. I’m not going to say the world didn’t have a place for me, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s hard… I’m not an easy person, so it’s a tie, we’re even, the world and I! In society, though, there’s prejudice regarding everything that’s different. Diseases are a huge tabu, much more profound than money, sex or death. I feel like the disease is seen as a plague, as something awful. Not that it’s not ugly, it is! However, there’s a tendency to amplify that feature, that dark side, even more…
What would you say to other people about callings?
That each person may be able to follow their heart, their will and their wishes! Without fear for anything. Not really without fear, because it’s always there, but with courage! Whenever I’m supposed to do something, I get very excited 3 months before it happens, but when the day arrives, all I think about is to suffer an accident or lose my voice. Anything to keep me from doing it! Courage doesn’t mean not to have fear, courage is to go on in fear! It’s to keep going with what you have, to follow your heart and your will. That is, for me, the most delicious thing there is, when you feel that tendency. That’s what calling is, right? It’s to fall in love, it’s that divine inspiration… It’s just… to go! The rest is very personal. Each person will find the time, the rhythm, their own way. Some are very neat, some are chaotic. There’s no recipe. It may not be very peaceful, but it’s extremely liberating!
How do you think you can serve others and the world?
I understand now that that doesn’t exist, the verb “to serve”. What does exist is sharing! Things are shared, like in a piknik. I mention this often in Biodanza. It’s an act of sharing. Much like a piknik, I bring what I cooked with a lot of love and care, and put it on the table. If anyone wants some, great! If no one wants it, then it’s OK too, it comes back home, no worries. It’s a verb I erased, this thing of being useful to others. I don’t want to change de world at all, I think it’s great, it’s a paradise! I love to live, I love my existence, the people, the trees… I love everyhting, but I can improve! I can improve myself! The biggest waste is what stays within me and isn’t shared, it ends up rotting, because I can’t eat what’s inside me!
You can contact Guida through gamaguida@hotmail.com or on facebook, and experience what it is to share life through Biodanza!
Comment on the Blog
Translated from portuguese by: Inês Correia
That’s a very hard question! It’s a word that makes me think of religion... and also of something people already know they want to do in life from very early on. And that’s not my case at all, I don’t even know if it will ever be! Sure, I can talk about the definition of the word “calling” as tendency for something. A tendency to something that might be calling and motivating me, appealing to me, waking me up...but I look at it more as something that can change at any moment. I think the meaning is: what do I feel like doing? And what’s useful out of all that I do? Useful doesn’t have to mean productive, it’s useful insofar as it fills up my soul, as it somehow makes sense... it’s not really about making sense, it’s more about filling the soul, because, sometimes, what fills my soul doesn’t make any sense! It’s what I want to do and that for which I’d give every other possibility in my life up! It may be something temporary, momentary or even something that is repeated throughout a determined or undetermined period of time...
And what fills up your soul at the moment?
What really fills my soul at the moment and what has been filling it for a long time is the curiosity for the human mystery – Who the human being is as individuality is not who they are as a comprehensive or philosophical definition, it belongs to each person… What does that person feel or think? What’s their story? What do they do with their stories? What fulfils them? It’s really a curiosity … I’m very curious!
What does that consist of, in practise?
It’s a mixture! In my work, in what I do now with great vocation - the Biodanza -, what calls me is the curiosity to understand what lies within the lives and the worlds of others, within their inner worlds… It’s a way of taking each person’s inner world, which is often anonymous, closed, even though it’s so broad, rich and unique, and bringing it to light! A way of bringing it to the tangible, the visible, to the exchange, the world, of bringing it to life thorough Biodanza…
Can you explain what Biodanza is?
I could give you an academic definition, but I like poetic ones! Biodanza is a great investment on the human being in order to enrich even more the world and the life! That’s why I felt so connected to Biodanza, because I saw in it something, which goes in the direction of my will to know what’s within each one of us and how we can explore it. As if we were a very wide … field, which we must always cultivate. Biodanza was the identification with a system that uses “magical” powers! Much like music, which has the ability to make us travel around the world of emotions and of revelation. And what do I do with what music gives me? Movement! Because if I don’t move, I’m going to remain in anonymity. I’ll remain in my shell and all the richness someday will be lost, because it has never been exploited and transformed. Biodanza invites, through movement and music, to the bloom of a seed. Life is a constant dance! What good does it do to have a seed with everything, if we never know what it will offer? Music and movement lead to states of living and of expansion of consciousness that allow us to feel like “Hey, I can go further, after all!”. Yes, Biodanza is my calling at the moment, the thing that completes my everyday, my life, my existence! For me, it’s like a marriage with Biodanza! It’s an activity which involves a lot of movement and which would appear to be out of the question for someone like me, with such limited movements … Even today, I’m the only person with such limited movements practising Biodanza, that I know of. And then the big question follows: how do you give a Biodanza lesson in a wheelchair?
Whenever I mention you, many people ask me: “Isn’t Biodanza related to dance? How can she do that if she’s in a wheelchair?”
Even my colleagues ask themselves that! Before enrolling in (Biodanza) school, you need to present a motivation letter and what I wrote was: “I want, I can and I will, if you let me!” I think that’s my concept of life. I can’t see how could I ever be a marathoner, for example, or a sportswoman, or an astronaut, in my condition… But I don’t look at it as an obstacle. I believe there’s always a solution, there are more hindrances in the mind! I like this example: I’m starving and I believe only “seafood rice”(Arroz de Marisco) can satisfy my hunger! But when I get home, I only have eggs! What now? I have to change my aim, I can’t have “seafood rice”. I can, however, eat an omelette. All I do is satisfy an inner, physical, emotional hunger… This thing called “will”, what is it, really? It’s a hunger. It’s a desire to eat, to ingest, to bring… It doesn’t have to be gourmet! The important thing is to be satisfied, and that can be accomplished in many ways. You have to step out of the limitations imposed by competitions and comparisons! They’re truly toxic, because they limit us immensely. They limit me, at least! I don’t really like the pronoun “us”, because there may be other people who don’t think this way and life sometimes works out differently… Life is full of possibilities and is unlimited in its abundance.
Do you think you were raised to fulfil your calling?
I don’t want to think about that! Hum… well, maybe. The conclusion is that the entire environment I lived in, my childhood and education brought me here. It may not be a recipe for others, but it was ideal to me, it was what brought me here, so yes, I think the answer is yes!
What do you wanted to be when you were a child?
I have no idea! Lots of things! Like many, I wanted to become a paediatrician. That’s how I would often play as a child. But it got very confusing afterwards, during my adolescent years. I never worried too much about that, about what I wanted to become one day. When I applied to university, I wanted to become a fashion designer because I loved clothes. And why was all of this born? Because one day I conceptualized some dresses and a few months later I saw them in real life, in a fashion show, on TV. I took that as a sign and thought - “well, I must have come from the future!” (laughter). I’m very imaginative! And I thought that was my field, that it was very cool and that I should give it a go. The coolest thing, though, wasn’t drawing, it was to be creative, to get to know people, to be moving, it was art. As I didn’t know how to draw and fashion design schools were expensive, I applied to textile engineering at the University of Minho. I figured it was the closest thing. But I also did it because I wanted to move out! That was what excited me the most, throughout those five years. To live in a university hall with lots of people, where I could talk, chat and see what made people different… I was considered to be the hall’s psychologist! The group in my hall and I did a lot of social work, lots of activities and events. It was a lot of fun! I think my great calling in life is for all that is fun! Everything has to be fun!
Did you get to work in textile engineering?
I wasn’t successful at all! (laughter) After that, came the disease, it got worse… that’s another area, a parallel area of my life. It never prevented me from living. It’s like someone who can live and walk their path, but who brings with them a stone in the shoe. My disease is just a stone in my shoe, which doesn’t make it impossible for me to walk, but maybe makes it harder for me to run and climb stairs, to walk, but not to live, nor to follow my dreams. It just challenged me to find other solutions.
Do you want to talk about your disease?
It’s a muscular dystrophy. I have it since I was born, but it only began to manifest itself heavily when I was 12. From then on, the decay followed… I’ve been in the chair for 8 years and in Biodanza for 9! The disease is like a child. Once you are a mother, you never stop being one, right? I’m trying to get rid of her, but the child never seems to grow, earn wings and fly somewhere else… I will make it, though! Like a child who challenges, who needs attention, who shortens time and schedules. It limits everything. So, it’s necessary to find solutions, while I keep doing what I want with the available conditions. I haven’t reached the “seafood rice” yet, I’m still on the “omelettes”! And that’s allright! The most important thing is to satisfy the hunger, because it’s the foundation. The disease limited me in my integration in society, because our society is full of prejudice, immature, competitive, selfish, destructive. It’s a very sick society. I’m not going to say the world didn’t have a place for me, it doesn’t make sense, but it’s hard… I’m not an easy person, so it’s a tie, we’re even, the world and I! In society, though, there’s prejudice regarding everything that’s different. Diseases are a huge tabu, much more profound than money, sex or death. I feel like the disease is seen as a plague, as something awful. Not that it’s not ugly, it is! However, there’s a tendency to amplify that feature, that dark side, even more…
What would you say to other people about callings?
That each person may be able to follow their heart, their will and their wishes! Without fear for anything. Not really without fear, because it’s always there, but with courage! Whenever I’m supposed to do something, I get very excited 3 months before it happens, but when the day arrives, all I think about is to suffer an accident or lose my voice. Anything to keep me from doing it! Courage doesn’t mean not to have fear, courage is to go on in fear! It’s to keep going with what you have, to follow your heart and your will. That is, for me, the most delicious thing there is, when you feel that tendency. That’s what calling is, right? It’s to fall in love, it’s that divine inspiration… It’s just… to go! The rest is very personal. Each person will find the time, the rhythm, their own way. Some are very neat, some are chaotic. There’s no recipe. It may not be very peaceful, but it’s extremely liberating!
How do you think you can serve others and the world?
I understand now that that doesn’t exist, the verb “to serve”. What does exist is sharing! Things are shared, like in a piknik. I mention this often in Biodanza. It’s an act of sharing. Much like a piknik, I bring what I cooked with a lot of love and care, and put it on the table. If anyone wants some, great! If no one wants it, then it’s OK too, it comes back home, no worries. It’s a verb I erased, this thing of being useful to others. I don’t want to change de world at all, I think it’s great, it’s a paradise! I love to live, I love my existence, the people, the trees… I love everyhting, but I can improve! I can improve myself! The biggest waste is what stays within me and isn’t shared, it ends up rotting, because I can’t eat what’s inside me!
You can contact Guida through gamaguida@hotmail.com or on facebook, and experience what it is to share life through Biodanza!
Comment on the Blog
Translated from portuguese by: Inês Correia
